Self control lessons

A Lesson in self control. What do we really control in life?

It seems we are conditioned from birth to control the world around us, yet we are taught very little about self control. From the moment we are born we struggle to control our body, movements and coordination and this is where much of our self control ends. As life moves on we start trying to control everything external to us or outside of our control. In other words we try to control things which we have no control over. These include situations, relationships and how other people think, etc.. The irony is many people struggle their entire life trying to control what they cannot control.

Self control lesson #1

We have no absolute control over the world around us. Yes, we can exert influence over our world and we can also try to control things using the brute force of our ego. The ego’s use of brute force typically results in suppressing, overpowering or controlling the free will of others. Utilizing this type of control in our life can only lead to bad things such as animosity and ill will towards us, failed relationships and karma to name a few. (For more on karma click here.) This of course does not stop people from utilizing this brute force and this is where all conflict in life originates.

Self control lesson #2

In trying to exert all this control over the outside world, we create a great deal of stress, anxiety and fear for ourselves. If we are constantly trying to manipulate people and situations in order get what we want then we take on a huge responsibility for trying to control things that can’t be controlled. (Perhaps you are beginning to see there is a certain level of insanity to all of this, see “Understanding The Soul, Creator Laws – Part 3 Of 6.”) This notion of trying to control that which cannot be controlled sets us up for many disappointments in life. These disappointments quickly turn into anger. This is the source of much unhappiness and the source of many failed relationships. When people do not behave or do as we wish, we become angry and designate them as bad people separating them from our life.

Self control lesson #3

If we try to control the outside world we begin to place blame on people and circumstances outside of ourselves. Since we can’t control the outside world we start to blame the outside world for our unhappiness when things do not go as we wish them to go. This is where the “victim mentality” comes from. In trying to control the outside world we blame situations and other people for our inability to “get our way.” Instead of exercising our own self control we try to control everything outside of us. Please see related post: “Understanding Consciousness – Part 3 – Evolutionary Consciousness” and “Understanding Consciousness – Part 4 – Consciousness Levels.”) When a victim see’s everyone else in the world as the problem, they can never look inside themselves to see the real self control problem. The victim believes there is nothing wrong with themselves, so they must find everything wrong in the outside world. Thus they will never find happiness because they have no control over the outside world and will never be able to change the circumstances of their unhappiness.

Self control lesson #4

We need to understand we can’t control many things:

We can’t control what people think of us.
We can’t control what people think of others.
We can’t control what other people say.
We can’t control whether someone likes us or loves us.
We can’t control other people’s opinions.
We can’t control what other people give to us.
We can’t control what life throws at us.
We can’t control the weather or natural disasters.
We can’t control what has passed or what will come in the future.
We can’t control how other people raised us or the circumstances of how we grew up.
We can’t control the economy

What do all these things have in common? They are all things outside of ourselves.

Self control lesson #5

When it comes down to it we can only control one thing and that is ourselves. We only have our self control. We can only control those things that are “internal” to us:

We control our feelings and emotions.
We control our behaviors and interactions with others.
We control what we think, we control our internal self talk.
We control our perspective and perceptions
We control how we respond to events.
We control how we respond to people.
We control if and when we express our appreciation and gratitude.
We control what we give to others.
We control how we treat our body, what we eat and what we put into our bodies.
We control whether we give our love, compassion, patience and kindness to others.

Once the information in this post is fully processed and understood, then you will discover you also control your own sense of peace.

Self control summary:

We have no control over what we receive in life as experience, we only have self control over how we respond and give back to the world. We control our response to life, we control what we give out to life. We cannot control what life gives us. All of our anguish and suffering in life is our denial of this basic fact. We become upset when we think someone should do something different or events should happen differently. The fact is we have no control over anything outside ourselves. Perhaps this is the lesson in life, life will continue to give us what we need for our continued enlightenment.  

Perhaps the lesson of having many physical lifetimes is to steer us back towards unity with our creator. There can be no unity where there is any desire to control, love does not control, love is collaborative, love just accepts and holds all things together in peace, compassion, love and unity.

This is is what spirituality is all about; it is giving up the foolish notion of trying to control anything other than ourselves. As we evolve becoming more compassionate, loving, grateful and peaceful, we transcend the need for control and start to relinquish our free will. To exert ones free will is oftentimes one and the same as wanting control over something. Ascension to the highest spiritual levels is a willing effort of inviting the creator within to guide us, to allow the creators will to be ours, to make our will the same as the creator’s. To reach the highest level is to use our free will in deciding to let go of controlling anything. In this highest state there is nothing but an overwhelming sense of love, joy, compassion and peace.

Applying the idea:

  • As you go through the day try to use your free will in deciding how you will interact with others.
  • Try to be conscious of how you choose to treat others and respond to others.
  • If you become upset try to figure out what made you upset, was it:
    • Something outside yourself you could not control?
    • Or a regretful response you had to a person, situation or thing? (This you do have control of)
  • Try to understand you alone decide to become angry, upset, jealous or hateful, no one else can “make you” experience these emotions.
  • As you lay down to sleep tonight or meditate, think about your day and:
    • How you exercised your control over your behavior, reactions and responses.
    • Or how you became upset over situations outside yourself (of which you had no control.)
  • Did you blame anyone or anything for your unhappiness or emotions during the day?
  • Were you a victim today or did you exercise your self control?

Please share if you found this post to be meaningful. I would love to hear your comments and thoughts… Thank you for reading : )

2 thoughts on “Self control lessons

  1. Saulo Paiva says:

    Chris, another gem.
    Thank you.

    1. Metroman says:

      Thank you Saulo, I apologize for such a late response.

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